Dolls and Dementors
by Cisselah
Summary: Albus is a dementor. James has an evil kitten. Lily just wants her brothers to leave her doll alone.


**~*Dolls and Dementors*~**

**Written by: Cisselah**

_**(Beater 2)**_

_**written for**__ Cearphilly Catapults_**_ in _**_The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition_

_**Prompts: 1 & 2**_

_**~*-.-*~**_

James was a good boy.

"For Merlin's sake, get that thing out of my kitchen, James!"

Okay. That was a lie. James was a very, very naughty boy who held the honory spot on Santa's Naughty-list.

"But Mom," he whined as his mother shooed him out of the kitchen with a spatula in one hand and a butter knife in the other. "Man-Killer needs to feed!"

"Then he can get his butt in gear and catch some rats," James's mother said sternly, completely uncaring to the terrible injustice she was making the little, black kitten suffer through. "It's time that dratted cat does something good"

"He can't eat rats!" James told her in a horrified voice. He couldn't believe that his mother could be this cruel. "MK needs nutritious food. Only the real deal is good enough for my Man-Killer. How is he supposed to eat Death Eaters if he's not healthy?!"

Snorting, his mother parked herself in the doorway, blocking the entrance to her kitchen as she glared down suspiciously at the ball of black fur that was curled up in her son's arms. As if the kitten could feel the anger directed towards it, it glared up with equal amounts of suspicion and hatred, looking like it wanted to take a bite out of the redheaded human that had dared to kick it out.

"I don't care what he eats as long as it isn't my Christmas Puddings. Now go and play with your brother. I have to remake the whole batch because some furry little monster thought it would be funny to eat and then pee in it"

His face turning red, James pressed the hissing kitten harder to his chest, staring up at his mother in the indignant righteousness only a ten-year old could have.

"Man-Killer was just doing what comes naturally," he defended the kitten (who was currently trying to gnaw a hole in his pajamas with sharp canines that belonged to a monster). "He's a baby and can't help his instincts"

His mother snorted again.

"No offense, sweetie, but that isn't a baby. That's a monster, and I want it away from my kitchen!" She gave her son a sharp glare. "_Now!_"

Sniffing, James obeyed his mother and trudged away, making sure to keep his kitten from eating his pajamas as he made a show of being in an _extremely upset state_. Of course, nobody was there to notice his _extremely upset state_, so after a few seconds he deflated and gave up. Hugging the now squirming kitten to his chest, James entered the living room to find a sheet in the process of eating one of Lily's dolls.

"Rawr! Rawr! I am the Dementor. Kneel before me! Rawr!" The sheet growled as it chewed on the golden locks of the doll through a hole that was cut in the white cloth. "I'll eat your soul! Rawr!"

The sheet stopped chewing long enough to hold the doll up in the air and make a shrill noise of pretended fear. "Oh, no! Don't eat me, mister Dementor. I'm to golden to get eaten!" The sheet lunged for the doll, almost tripping over its own fabric in its eagerness to take a bite out of the doll again.

"Haha!" The sheet laughed evilly as it chewed on the golden locks of the doll. "I am the Dementor. I eat little dolls for breakfast!"

Deciding that this was disturbing enough for one day, James wrinkled his nose at the sheet and cleared his throat to get its attention. It froze with the doll still in its mouth.

"Hey, freak?! What are you doing under that sheet?"

Silence.

Then, faster than he had any right to move, Albus Potter lunged himself at his brother, wrapping his arms around his legs as he bit him hard in the knee.

"I am the Dementor!" he shrieked in a beastly manner as James screamed and tried to kick him off. "Bow before me or face my wrath!"

"Get off me, you little freak!" James screamed as he jumped around,

"I'm eating you! Nam nam nam nam nam!"

"Mom! MOM! Get your freak son off me! Mom! Al is trying to eat me again! MOM!"

The sheet gave an evil laughter before it bit him again.

"I'll eat your soul, human!" It hissed as it gnawed at his pajamas pants.

"Mom!"

"Nam nam!"

"Man-Killer! Defend your owner!" James shrieked as he dropped the cat. Hissing and snarling, the black ball of fur fell to the floor and landed on all fours. Dazed, the kitten glared around in an attempt to understand why its lowly servant had dared to dropped it. Hissing evilly, the kitten zeroed in on the strange creature that was trying to eat its dark-haired servant.

"Help me, MK!" its servant screamed. He was jumping on one foot, trying to kick out and detach the white creature with the other. Tilting its head, Man-Killer was slightly impressed by the viciousness of the attack. And the determination to hang on. And the size of the strange-white-creature's teeth.

The strange-white-creature laughed again and snapped its teeth at the human's hands (that were frantically trying to detach the strange-white-creature from the human's body). The human shrieked in pain.

Man-Killer decided it was time for a nap.

"You traitor!" James shouted at the black kitten as it laid down under the Christmas tree and purred. "I'll make a bag out of you! I swear I'll- Al! Stop biting me, you freak! _MOM! MOOOOOOOM!"_

_"_What 'cha doin'?" A sleepy voice slurred from the doorway.

Both boys froze, one in the middle of yanking the other's hair, one in the middle of trying to eat the other's fingers. The sheet had been torn of Albus's face and was pooling at their feet. Terror pooling into their eyes, the brother's glanced at each other, wearing identical _oh-shit_ expressions.

The tiny redheaded girl who had interrupted their fight stared at the chewed-up doll that was tossed carelessly at the ground.

She sniffled.

"Dolly?" tears pooled in her eyes as she stared at the doll. She looked up at her big brothers, tears shining in her hazel eyes as she looked at them heart-brokenly.

And then...

The transformation from little girl to screaming monster was so quick it would have given a normal man whiplash. One minute Lily was a little redheaded girl that was broken-heartedly crying over her doll, the next her eyes were flashing with fury, her face turning red as she tilted her head back and howled;

"DADDY!"

Oh Merlin...

Scrambling to find a hiding place, both Potter boys headed for the chimney for reasons unknown. Perhaps they thought they could crawl out of it, or maybe they figured they could snatch some floo-powder and make a run for it before it was too later. Either way, they were just halfway through the room when a red streak threw itself upon them and the angelic face of the chewed up doll smashed into Albus's head.

Uttering a word Uncle Ron had taught him (but promptly begged him to forget) Albus stumbled into his brother and fell to the floor.

"_DADDY_!" Little Lily Potter howled as she aimed another hit at her big brother's face. "_DAAAADDYYY_!"

"MOM!" James shrieked as the doll hit him in the chest. "MOM! HELP!"

"I'm the Dementor!" Albus shrieked hopelessly as he tried to shield himself from his sisters attack. "I'll eat you if you don't stop! Tiger-Lily, stop! DAD!"

Man-Killer, whose sleep had been disturbed by the puny humans, opened one eye and hissed.

-.-

"What in Merlin's name is going on here?" Harry Potter asked them as he stared at the mess his children had made. The Christmas tree was in shreds, branches all over the place, the coffee table crushed from where the tree had fallen. The couch - his new, expensive, really soft couch - looked like someone had taken a pair of scissors to it. The carpet was covered in scorch marks (big, look-at-me, black scorch marks that would have made Seamus proud) and there was a monstrous beast of a cat purring from the armchair, looking at him with dark, evil eyes. Even the chandelier had been violated, a white sheet tossed up to hang from it ominously like some sort of shadowy omen.

"He started it," his oldest son muttered grumpily, staring at his feet rather than the most powerful wizard of all time.

"Daddy! Daddy, they ate my doll!" his seven-year old daughter howled with tears in her eyes.

"She wanted to be eaten!" his youngest son insisted. He gave his sister an I'm-older-and-know-best look. "She can't parade herself in front of the Dementor and expect not to be eaten. It doesn't work that way"

Harry rubbed his eyebrows as he tried to suppress the headache that had been growing there for years.

"Children," he said in his I-am-Harry-Potter-punk-don't-talk-back-at-me voice. "Apologize to each other now"

"But Daaaaaaaaad! He started it!"

"I don't care!" Harry said sternly. "You apologize to your sister and brother right now, James Sirius Potter, or I'll take your broom and hand you over to your Uncle Percy!"

Three suddenly terrified faces looked up at him. The horror and terror that was reflected in their eyes made him feel just a tiny bit guilty over using that particular threat.

"Sorry!" Albus said, his eyes big and begging Harry not to go through with his threat.

"Eh... I apologize," James muttered, sneaking a glance at his siblings as he rocked impatiently on the heels of his feet.

Harry turned his gaze to his youngest child.

"But Daddy..." Lily's lower lips started to tremble as she looked at her father with puppy eyes.

"No buts. You too, Lils," Harry told his daughter, trying not to break down under the weight of those big, brown eyes.

"Sorry," Lily whispered to her brothers. She was still looking like she was on the verge of crying, but Harry figured it was better than nothing.

"Good," he said. "Now go and clean your rooms"

"I already-"

"Go and clean your rooms!"

Grumbling over the unfairness of it all, the three siblings started to make their way out of the living room. Harry had just pulled out his wand to clean this epic mess up when he heard his oldest son's voice mutter something so strange he wondered if he hadn't adopted them all and then just forgotten about it.

"This would never have happened if Man-Killer had had his pudding"

~*-.-*~

The End.

I think.


End file.
